365-10 #23 : "Alexr's Birthday"

365-10 #23, originally uploaded by Aldakila.

It's my eldest's Birthday - 18 years old Today...

His Last Birthday was hard...

...He's been home a few months now - but still its a challange for all those who care about him...

Prayers

- A xxx -

Thought 2009/11: May God Bless You With Discomfort

This prayer is, apparently from a Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Saw it online (as most things I do) at an excellent website, I've just recently saved to my Google Reader.

It has made be think - but how do you become empowered or even empower others , to act on these words?

For me, for now, I got to pray this one out for a while...

Not just for 'you' but for 'me' too...

"May God bless you & I with discomfort... May God bless all of us with discomfort..."

There are NO Words?

This blog, is probably the hardest thing I have ever publically written:

There are no words…

(This blog entry has evolved over the last 4hrs {I kept walking away from it!} as I have written it has gone from something that was mine –so I thought- into something bigger than me… It is – what it is) No apologies if it seems incoherent but, I make less sense than God!

My #1 Son is 17 today, almost to the minute as I begin writing this in fact!

He was born at fourteen minutes past one in the morning, on Thursday 23rd January 1992. When I saw him for the 1st time, well there are no words to describe the emotions & level of love, that I felt in those seconds & minutes that followed, for him & my then wife.

A lot of time has passed since then, a lot of life for him, & my 2 other children (his younger brother & sister) as well as me, has been lived since then. Not all of it good, not all of it easy, & some of it, more than children should have to witness or endure! Separation & divorce can be messy. There are no words to describe the pangs of pain I feel, when I, somewhat inevitably, look back over some of it.

The detail is unimportant & perhaps for some would be unfair/unpalatable to be aired so publically. The past is important, but only as a starting place for our future (for what is to come). We should learn from it & acknowledge it. But never carry it with us as ammunition or baggage. There are no words that could explain how hard that is to do sometimes. (Especially if, at the time, that is what is being done to you)

As a Dad, I haven’t always got it right & sometimes got it really badly wrong! (Especially in that “past”) But I can (mostly) accept that & (mostly) forgive myself. This is because my 3 weans (kids) have told me that its ok, there’s nothing to forgive & that I’m a good Dad really! (They’re teenagers!)

Ok, I realise I was going to go on & on trying to explain more, without giving details.

But that is firstly, fruitless & superfluous.

Secondly, completely impossible without being public & personal.

Thirdly, oh so, a BIG mistake!

Those paragraphs are deleted & gone, as well as any obviously personal details. (before being published)

The long & the short of it becomes this then:

As a parent, it becomes hard to accept, as your children become more independent:

That a lot of the time you will be a bystander & a supporter standing on the sidelines, in their life. Now I can live with & adapt to that. But you also have to be, I think, sure in yourself (as a good parent) that in reaching that point that you’re now, in the majority a supporter/bystander, has come at the right age? For my parents I reckon it came when I was 18 (they might argue otherwise). But for every child & parent it will be different & in there lies my dilemma & possibly my reason for creating this blog entry…

I (as well as other family members & friends) haven’t really seen my #1 son, much since May 2008. He kind of (quite unexpectedly) drifted away. From then until now we have come across each other maybe on average 2 times a month (that’s about 16 times) Sometimes its been for seconds or minutes on a bus – sometimes its been for most of a day, like at parents on Christmas Day. Sometimes I know where he is staying (usually when he’s at his Mum’s) but most of the time no-one does & that is extremely hard.

I can understand, he feels he is ready to face this world alone & maybe, I concede, he is right. But not perhaps, if those who were important supporters (on whatever scale) in his life, before May last year are all now bystanders.

I don’t want to make this blog entry - inappropriate, publically humiliating & misguided – so I wont (& wouldn’t)

I have realised why this blog entry exists, because my eldest son is 17 today & that has made me think about this situation in a different way that, I perhaps have been avoiding. Its called giving it all to God (My biggest supporter). Something I now must do…

So, I want others to know that, I believe, everything in life happens for a reason. There are no coincidences only ‘God-instances’. I have faith & believe that God will be there in all the good & bad times of my life. But God is there acting in all our lives you just have to look to see his effect in your world (He’s your biggest supporter). That’s where faith comes in…

I have just remembered this: A handful of years ago, a man who I had only met a few days before (& haven’t seen since) came & sat beside me. He didn’t know much about me other than; We were on the same course, both went to church in The Salvation Army, & that he needed to talk to me! We had a long conversation (most of which I now don’t remember) at a point in the course when we had the afternoon off. So instead of spending a summers afternoon with his wife he spent it with me! But I needed it & God had told him so! Most of what he said that afternoon, has long since faded… But the line that lived with me was (is) “Let Go-Let God”. Easily said & with enough faith equally easily done…

I don’t always have enough faith (FYI! Christians are human!) so letting go of a struggle or hurt isn’t always 1st thing on the agenda all the time! Plus God gave everyone free-will, that can make things a bit complicated & messy at times! I suppose that’s what my #1 son is expressing at the moment – so as much as I don’t like his choices in life & the effect that has… I have got to trust God.

God is always there in my son’s life waiting for him to see that what he has planned out is nowhere as fantastic, compared to God’s life plan for him! That realisation for my son may come tomorrow, next year or never…

Let Go-Let God… Because I must! I cannot live my son’s life for him – that would be a massive mistake – he needs to find his way. I can be a supporter only if he wants me to be. So for now I remain a bystander to my precious precious son. I may not always be comfortable with that, but I don’t remain the only supporter. My family & friends are supporters too & will be there for him when/if he is ready. Above all that is his biggest supporter of all – God.

So… happy 17th Birthday to my #1 son (as in 1st born) & I pray you know that your supporters are here for you.. Thank you God for being there for him, even if perhaps your unwanted. I may worry about ‘my boy’ but hey I’m Dad… but I worry a lot less because God’s on my side & supporting me & my son (I wouldn’t want to be on the other team!)

Some people may think this blog entry to be misplaced & should have remained unwritten. Perhaps your right & your very entitled to that opinion. But I didn’t set out to write this, at all, or in the way it turned out…

It is-what it is. I don’t understand why – something had to be said & apparently its been said here. Take from it what you will. I ask for your prayers & understanding.

Trust me pressing publish for this blog entry is not taken easily or lightly at all ~ so be gentle?

Its now after 5 in the morning so I concede & retire for a few hours sleep…

~ A xxx ~

Thought for: October 24th 2008

2 (sort of) related quotes today...

"Pick your battles, big enough to matter, small enough to win."

Soooo.....

"Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"

Nuff Said...

Jesus Liberation Template

Following on from my Blog "Essential Word on The Street" & the buzz I got from listening to the audiobook read by the author Rob Lacey. I wanted to find a excerpt to just show how much of a passionate revolutionary he was, but in absence of that I found this video of him reading a section from his book. (I think it certainly portrays his passion! As well as his bravery! If only most Christians were like him?!)






This 2nd video is a short interview Rob Lacey gave after The Street Bible (now The Word on The Street) was published. It gives just a small insight to his motivation & life story (including his battle with cancer, which he eventually lost in 2006).

As someone has said (probably many times) 'your story & my story are important' on helping everyone on their christian journey.
Its certainly part of the 'Jesus Revolution Template' of living & sharing your faith.

Which, I believe, Rob Lacey did exactly as God had intended....

New Blog Template

Giving Blogger/Blogspot a makeover with a new Template...

Not sure I like it? ...
There are too few templates to choose from & don't like most of them.

But want to persevere little longer..

[though am considering changing blog completely over over to my (still under sloooow construction) 'viviti' pages or trying 'wordpress']

.. not too sure why more flexibility & aesthetics are important but they are?

Original plan (plans-Ha!) was more Christian Blog here (on Blogger/Blogspot) & more General Life Blog/Site elsewhere (on viviti) - Though you can't (well I cant!) completely separate the two!

Time will tell... Feel free to give your thoughts of any kind
(you know where & how to find me ... No? Look to the side of blog - there's a fair few to choose from!)

I Can Only Imagine

... I Can Only Imagine... But God Knows...





I originally saw this posted at Army Renewal Blog

Have seen other videos (usually slides or Powerpoint) of this Fantastic Song.
This 1 is certainly clear in its message I feel.

Oh So Me Too!! 1.5

After writing the blog "Oh So Me Too" on 2nd July, I thought well said my piece, time to move on...

Oh I should know better -

Few days later I'm reading 'The Street Bible" (now known as The Word on the Street)

Decided to look up Amos 5:21-25 & half way through reading there is this, well... Slap in the face, a thunderclap moment if you will. Best part is I wasn't alone & now my 13yr old daughter is wondering why I'm doubled-up with laughter, (feeling like) practically rolling about the floor.

Not sure why I was 'cept to say that this translation of the Bible is even more appropriate for how I feel just now!

The words & phrasing just so resonated with me that I had to:
Firstly, thank God for saying it in the 1st place & pointing me to it now.
Secondly send it out the to the 'universal ether' known as the Internet.


I feel it will possibly resonate & connect more with us 'Army Types' but any 'church going christian' should understand what God is, to me, so clearly saying....

" God Says, 'Can't stand your religion - it turns my stomach. I detest your meetings.

Yeah, fine, you bring me your offerings by the book, but I'll throw them back in your smug faces.

You bring me your peace offerings, but they mean nothing; so I'll ignore them.

Oh, and your songs: just shut up: they're doing my head in! If I hear one more tambourine I'm going to scream!

What I want to hear is the roaring river of justice sweeping through your towns.

What I want is for the right things you do to wash away the dry, hard, crusted build-up of evil.' "

Amos 5: 21-24 (Word on the Street Translation)

I'm not setting out to offend or irritate - it's just how I feel; and God, I feel is trying to point the way forward.

Oh so Me Too!!!

Read this over on Headphonaught's Nanolog short while back - I so agreed with it, but wasn't brave enough to comment! But since then, little old me, has saw this same bible quote on a few other blogs & elsewhere.

Some of them with justification I'm certain; Others with unfortunate vitriol, but that's understandable too. As I was once told "Let Go-Let God" Doesn't mean you don't have a say in it but... God's in control - If YOU Let HIM!?

For my part I just wanted say Oh so 'Me Too!' God hears us but does His Church?

"I can't stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want."

God [taken from Amos 5:21-25 (The Message)]

In my post back on 2nd June I said I would comment on the photos I posted.

Well I've decided I'm not going to say anything really about the 'Blood & Fire' Flag photo - other than, it's a close up of a portion of our Erskine Salvation Army Corps Flag. To comment as I intended doesn't seem so appropriate as it did.
But feel free to comment instead.

The Second photo of an 'Empty Hall' is of Erskine Corps with the partition wall open, showing both the "Worship Hall" (to the front) & the "Small Hall" (to the rear).
Although I know the reality of this photo (as I took it) it struck me afterwards (& even now a year later) that it says so many things on numerous levels!

Does This Photo say? -

• wishful thinking?
• the raw reality of a Christian church in the 21st Century?
  
• a challenge for those Christians that do go here?
• if you build it they will come? (probably not!?)
  
• God saying I'm Here - Where are You?

I could go on (& almost did!) But I wont; I'm sure you could come up with more of your own - please do.

I don't have the answers, only the questions - perhaps that's how it should be?
I would suggest that the answers lies within all of us - But only if we're hearing them (seeking them) from God?