In particular, thinking about the past year & my relationship with 'my church'. Which as some of you already know is far from good, in part for reasons that aren't for airing publicly (my sensible gene kicked in there).
My relationship with God, like all good relationships is ever changing & growing stronger (in a big part, thanks to my Twitter & 'online' friends)
However, I haven't been in the church building in 8 months & that's after barely missing a Sunday & almost all other church events in the previous 13+ years!
The bible quote above has hit home, more than anything else has in the past year...
My conscience before God is clear in most places & ways - but step inside 'my church' building & suddenly I feel like a fraud - so what changes?
My dilemma is summed up again by whats above - my conscience before God (when in 'corporate worship') is clouded/unsettled... because I am aware that those around me aren't right with God - their conscience isn't clear!
Many, many of those around me are going through the motions.. being polite, civil & 'doing church' - BUT under all that festers past hurts & angers -
But rather than doing the sensible thing (in my opinion) by addressing & acknowledging the, still obvious, undercurrents - it has been generally accepted (silently endorsed?) that its easier to be dishonest with ourselves & by that logic God..
So, it seems that as long as the church 'looks right' .. God will understand & accept our weekly/daily dishonesty?
My opinion is that's so twisted a logic, it falls over before it has even begun!
Ultimately, I don't have an answer to my dilemma... Still listening to God on that one.
But... still my conscience, under those circumstances isn't clear before God..
BTW: I know that 'church' is not the building, but the people joining together in worship. Also that I could go elsewhere but (fortunately/unfortunately?) God says, for the moment, my church is still where its been for the last decade & a half.
So...
...Prayer is all I got left...
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